Now, supposing you'll respond the way I expect you will...
[Little will shock Lovecraft. He could tell Lovecraft that he tried to drop an abandoned space colony on the Earth to force humanity into space and he'd take it on the chin.
...So let him ask this instead—]
What would it take for you to see me as a terrible man?
[His answer comes to mind a little too swiftly, like it's a belief he firmly holds.]
I want to be seen as a terrible man... because it keeps me honest. It reminds me of what I've done, what I cannot undo. Admiration is a luxury I cannot afford.
[A foolish notion, and he knows it. Bless Lovecraft for stating it plainly. Char may already be aware of how naive it sounds, but it helps to be kept in check by a voice he holds in high regard.]
That may be true... but it's not so easy to shake. Tell me, at what point are a man's actions beyond forgiveness?
[He pauses, eyes narrowing, as though the answer might be written in the air between them.]
And then there's the matter of forgiving oneself... but even if I could, I would not grant it.
You really ought to give yourself a great deal more credit than you do. That's a very astute observation— and something I've wrestled with for a long time.
[What would it mean to forgive himself? What would it take? Char... doesn't even know where to begin.]
I suppose, if I must continue on, that I should try to figure it out.
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insistence) wrote2025-08-18 04:41 pm
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[Little will shock Lovecraft. He could tell Lovecraft that he tried to drop an abandoned space colony on the Earth to force humanity into space and he'd take it on the chin.
...So let him ask this instead—]
What would it take for you to see me as a terrible man?
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[He has an answer. But he asks this first.]
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I want to be seen as a terrible man... because it keeps me honest. It reminds me of what I've done, what I cannot undo. Admiration is a luxury I cannot afford.
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[He does not admire anyone. It simply is the way it is.]
Do you want...to be hated?
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Not at all.
[He wants to be loved. Unconditionally loved. An impossible ask.]
But I deserve to be. That is what matters.
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[Useless. As if anyone needs to beat themselves over and over again for something like that.]
[He sighs.]
It does nothing...in the long run.
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That may be true... but it's not so easy to shake. Tell me, at what point are a man's actions beyond forgiveness?
[He pauses, eyes narrowing, as though the answer might be written in the air between them.]
And then there's the matter of forgiving oneself... but even if I could, I would not grant it.
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[He knows sometimes he has not forgiven. He is petty like that.]
You yourself are...the most insurmountable. Obstacle.
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You really ought to give yourself a great deal more credit than you do. That's a very astute observation— and something I've wrestled with for a long time.
[What would it mean to forgive himself? What would it take? Char... doesn't even know where to begin.]
I suppose, if I must continue on, that I should try to figure it out.